Never needed anybody, I never needed anybody, I never needed nobody...it won't change now

I want to talk about how I have no friends. Of course I have lots of sort of friends, but my definition of a freind-friend is very different. I want someone who will tell me all their secrets, love me and trust me over everyone else, take a bullet for me, so on and so on. And no, I don't have anyone in my life even remotely close to this. And I think I know why. Because if I want a friend like this, I will have to be a friend of a similar nature in return, which is something I absolutely cannot do. Only recently have I figured out why this is. I am the kind of person who can never ever bare my soul to anyone else. Or even give someone else a watered down version of whats really happening with me...in my life and in my head. I think this is because my ego is the size of the freakin Milky Way. All 100,000 light years across of it. I want everybody to think I'm perfect...not looks wise or whatever (although that would be great too), but in terms of having my life together. I watch Sex and the City all the time, and I'm so amazed that there can be friendships like that. Where you tell (a few) others everything. I mean if I were Charlotte and my marriage turned out to be a great big farce, I would never admit my gross judgement error to anyone. And when it became obvious to everyone that the edifice is clearly collapsing, I would act like I just didn't care and was totally okay with it.